Reflections with a big,capital R (see image below: R's are sometimes pretty)
Last week I was sitting in Rich's diverse lit class. We were discussing The House on Mango Street and my thoughts strayed from the discussion as I noticed the name "Mortimore" printed in blue ink on the inside cover of the book:
Aww soon my name will be in the covers of my books. Maybe I'll do that when I get back to my apartment. Wait, I own like 6 books appropriate for my classroom library, maybe I'll save this project for when I actually have books, or a classroom library, actually for when I have a physical classroom. My books will appear on organized bookshelves in the back on the room, surrounded by rope lights and comfy chairs and pillows. Wait, will I have to buy these? Of course, then maybe my library dream will have to wait a couple years- accumulate over time. Oh geez, Rich is staring at me; I need to focus.

I sat back up, ready to pay attention. I had all intentions to participate in this discussion but then my thoughts adrift.
I really class discussion. Rich just has a way to engage students in class discussion, I hope I have that skill. Soon I'll be Rich (just a the opposite sex and a foot shorter). Oh no, this is the last time I'll be the student. Soon I'll be the instructor in the front of the classroom (periodically walking around the room, of course), gulp! I'm not ready to leave, wait, yes I am. I'm not ready to start being the instructor. PANIC!!!!!

 

I took a breath, and regained my composure. I realized I was in my last classes, this was/is the last time I'll be sitting in a lit class with Rich- it was a scary realization. However, it was also scary to know that after this semester I am supposedly "prepared" to, as they say, mold the minds of future generations (SIDE NOTE: I do not plan to "mold" my students' minds, I think I am more the clay provider and mold instructor but the students are ultimately their own mind molders). It's not that I do not think I was prepared, it's just how can you really be trully prepared until experiencing it, and also can a teacher ever be fully prepared because every day will probably bring somthing different that we could not be completely prepared for. It's scary.

On the other hand, this is exciting. I've worked 3 and half years and I am finally standing at the finishing line. I am not full pace to break that red ribbon, but I am definitely joyfully stepping over the finish line. I think that's what Method's has really done for me- it's made me excited to get out there. As stressful as some projects were it was honestly fun to create, plan, and work through each one to realize I'll soon be doing this (and getting paid for it- holler for a dollar!). Also I'm grateful for the time spent on discovering my purpose and goals as a teacher. It's easy to answer "Why do you want to be a teacher," however to answer "Why do you really want to be a teacher" is much more difficult. This semester I've reflected on this question quite often- and through projects, readings, and experience I think I finally know why (curious what it is? check out my portfolio!), and I think that's one of the most useful things I am walking away with this semester. So I may be scared, nervous, have some teaching qualms, whatever but I am ready because I do have a purpose (beyond graduating, although that is quite a goal of mine) and an honest desire to make a difference (but who doesn't say that these days, but I swear, I mean it).

I'd like to end with Elle Wood's final quote: "We did it!"


I'm kidding, but really we all made it through, and I think that's something worth celebrating (happy hour, anyone?). However, while we celebrate we need to keep in mind we have a tough last semester ahead of us. I honestly hope we can help and support eachother throught that one as we did this one. Best of luck to you all, and you'll be getting plenty of emails from me to have "English Student Teacher Ron de Vus," so be ready!



And lastly a little reflection on all those R's: The beloved Mr. Feeny once said "Sometimes the things you complain about the most are the things that you care the most about. Unfortunately, we don't always know that until it's too late." What does all our R-complaing reveal about us this semester?